Being married over 20 years has made you appreciate your spouse in many ways. They've generally been there for you and provided for you when you needed support. You did the same.
However, now that your children are grown and off to college, you've found that you really don't have anything to say to each other. You only ever talked about your kids and their activities. Now, you're at a loss.
You asked your spouse if you could go to counseling together, so that you could discuss ways to reignite your marriage, but your spouse said they felt like everything was fine. With that, you've realized that you have no other option but to divorce or to stay in an unaffectionate, and somewhat boring, marriage.
What should you do if you plan to divorce after decades together?
In cases like this, it's clear that your issues may be more complex than a couple who has been involved in a short-term marriage. When you're married for so long, it's likely that your finances are intertwined and that you will have many assets to divide. You may have debts, too, like your mortgage, credit cards or others, that you need to split fairly.
It's a good idea to collect information on your assets prior to talking to your spouse about wanting a divorce. You can take that paperwork to your attorney or set it aside until you talk to your spouse. When you bring up the subject of divorce, you may find that your spouse wants to try therapy or other options before pursing divorce, and that's great if that's the case and something you want. If not, you can take your documents to your attorney and start the process of filing for divorce.
Did you know that many people divorce after 20 years?
Nicknamed the "20-year itch," divorces that happen at the two-decade mark are more common than you may think. Why does divorce tend to happen at this time? Kids move out of the home, and you're left to decide what you want to do with all of this new free time. Some couples go back to doing things together and having a great relationship. Others find that they've grown apart, and they may move on to seek a divorce.
If you are ready to seek a divorce, it's good to remember that this situation can be reasonable and respectful. You and your spouse were supportive of each other in the past, so you can make efforts to resolve your divorce peacefully as well.