As much as we’d all love to believe in happily-ever-after endings, an estimated 40 to 50 percent of marriages in the United States end in divorce. Divorce rates have dropped since their earlier peak in the 1970s and ‘80s, but there is still a high statistical chance of a marriage ending in divorce, especially if spouses ignore the common red flags that may indicate a marriage is headed down the wrong path.
The Marriage Lacks Intimacy and Companionship
The two key components of a successful marriage are intimacy and companionship. Ideally, your spouse should be your best friend—the person you turn to first for celebratory moments, to share your troubles, or simply the person you enjoy spending time with more than anyone else in your life.
At the same time, they should also be someone you find sexually attractive and enjoy the intimate bond together in a way that’s powerful, compelling, and also comforting, even as the years pass.
When a marriage lacks either companionship or intimacy, it’s not complete and eventually leaves one or both spouses wanting more. When a marriage lacks both companionship and intimacy, it is a red flag pointing toward divorce court.
Arguing Has Become the Main Language of the Marriage
It’s normal to argue occasionally with anyone with whom you spend a great deal of time and share a living space, finances, and children; however, when arguing stops being occasional and becomes frequent or escalates into grudges and hard feelings, it can replace the intimacy and companionship, becoming the language of the marriage.
When arguing is the primary means of communication in the marriage, with each spouse trying to “one-up” the other or score points, it’s a warning sign that intervention is necessary to change the tone of communication before it’s too late to save the marriage.
Physical or Emotional Infidelity
If one spouse has turned to someone outside of the marriage for sexual intimacy, excitement, or as their main source of emotional connection and companionship, it’s not only a red flag that a divorce is impending due to unfaithfulness, but also indicates an underlying problem with the relationship.
It may be that the cheating spouse isn’t fulfilled by the level of intimacy and companionship in the marriage, or they may be unfaithful due to their own deeply embedded emotional problems.
One or Both Partners Lack Commitment to the Marriage
It’s normal for a marriage to experience its ups and downs over time. Still, in a loving, committed relationship, both spouses work hard to resolve their problems and maintain the love, companionship, and intimacy that keep their marriage alive. If one or both spouses no longer make an effort to repair or maintain their closeness with the other, it’s an indicator that they are no longer committed to making the marriage work.
Emotional or Physical Abuse Has Begun or Escalated
According to divorce research studies, emotional and/or physical abuse in a marriage happens slowly, building over time until it becomes a danger to the physical and emotional well-being of the abuse victim. If your spouse consistently belittles or berates you, or commits physical or sexual acts of violence against you, it’s not only a red flag for divorce, but it indicates substantial danger.
An abuse victim shouldn’t try to work on their marriage, since this often ends with the abuse victim blaming themselves and trying to adapt their behavior to prevent a physical or verbal attack. Instead, a domestic abuse victim should seek help from qualified professionals as soon as the abuse begins or when they recognize an abusive situation. Reach out to our experienced family attorneys in Denver to discuss your case with a legal professional.