We’d all like to believe that a walk down the aisle ends in happily-ever-after, but sometimes life takes spouses on different paths. If you’ve determined that divorce is the right choice, you’ve probably already begun preparing yourself for the inevitable split, but what else can you do to ready yourself emotionally?
No divorce is ever easy, but preparing yourself mentally for divorce in Denver before you file the petition helps you and your children (if you have them)nto move forward through the process and into your new lives with a smoother start.
First, Have You Completely Ruled Out a Reconciliation?
It’s crucial to be absolutely certain that your marriage has ended before you file a petition for divorce. Have you exhausted all efforts to restore the relationship? While it’s normal to feel grief, loss, and even anger, if you feel regret, then you may not be ready to make the separation final. In that case, you should explore options like couples therapy or counseling. You could also consider a legal separation rather than divorce.
If you know that your future is not with your spouse, then it’s time to prepare for the divorce process. Give yourself time to grieve or feel angry, and then focus on approaching the divorce in a low-conflict way that allows for compromise and communication.
Develop Your Post-Divorce Goals
Instead of leaving your future a daunting blank slate, make a list of goals to accomplish after the divorce. This helps you focus on the positive aspects of moving forward after the divorce, rather than the stress and drama of the divorce process. For instance, if there is a class you’ve always wanted to take, if you’ve wanted to try yoga, or if you want to develop a plan to achieve a promotion at work, now is a good time to map out your post-divorce plans.
Know You’ll Have a New Normal
Change is always hard, and a divorce is the end of life as you know it, making it one of the biggest changes you’ll ever experience. Although there is no way around the fact that it’s going to be a turbulent and emotionally fraught time, reassure yourself that one day you’ll wake up with your divorce far enough behind you that it’s no longer monopolizing your every thought. Then, eventually you’ll realize that you’ve adapted to a new normal and you won’t feel like a stranger in your own life. After the emotional upheaval of the divorce, your new normal will soon feel positive and hopeful.
Build a Strong Support System
Divorce is a difficult process, both legally and emotionally. The idea of moving forward into a new life may feel overwhelming. Until time passes and you settle into a new routine, it’s helpful to have a strong support system in place. You can start by spending time with those family members and friends who are closest to you. Tell them how they can help you through this process, either just by being there for you to talk to, or by being actively involved, such as lining up a friend as a back-up for school pick up on your custody days if you’re delayed.
Finally, Discuss Divorce Plans With Your Spouse
In most cases, divorce comes as no surprise to either spouse. Instead, it’s something they work their way up to and decide together. Less often, one spouse does not expect the other to file for divorce. Either way, it’s important to choose a time when your spouse is calm and the children are not present to discuss your divorce plans. A spouse in an abusive relationship should speak to their attorney about protection during this process. Discuss key divorce issues such as the following:
- Which spouse should file the petition, and which should be the respondent
- Which spouse should remain in the home, and a plan for when and where the other spouse will leave the home and move into a new residence
- When to tell the children and how to tell them in the most positive, supportive way possible
- Whether or not you can achieve a non-contested divorce by creating a settlement agreement with the help of your family law attorneys in Denver, or whether you think your case will require a longer, more expensive, and more contentious process in court
- Create a workable shared parenting schedule by using one of Colorado’s recommended shared parenting plans
In the best-case scenario, you and your spouse can communicate and compromise effectively during the divorce planning process, which leads to more positive communication during the settlement agreement and mediation in Denver. Mentally preparing yourself for the decision to pursue a low-conflict, uncontested divorce can help you avoid a contentious court battle.